Appleman

In All the Wrong Places

Appleman had a penchant to eat apples in all the wrong places.

A library. A church. Even funerals.

One day, a shop owner dared Appleman to eat an apple in his shop.

“Don’t mind if I do,” he replied.

<em>Crunch, crunch.</em>

Oh no. Appleman went to court.

There, the judge dared Appleman to eat an apple in his court.

“Don’t mind if I do.”

<em>Crunch, crunch.</em>

Oh no. Appleman was sentenced to two years’ hard labor.

The prison cafeteria had lots of apples.

Appleman ate them every day in all the wrong places.

One day, an inmate dared Appleman to eat an apple in front of him.

“Don’t mind if I do,” he answered.

<em>Crunch, crunch.</em>

Oh no. The inmate gave him such a blow that Appleman went to the infirmary.

The nurses had plenty of apples there.

One day, the patient who shared Appleman’s room dared him to eat another apple.

<em>Crunch, crunch.</em>

Oh no. The patient pulled the plug on Appleman’s life support while he was sleeping.

That was the end of Appleman.

They buried Appleman in the prison yard.

Sadly, he could no longer eat apples there.

<em>Crunch, crunch,</em> went the soil as passersby walked by, throwing their apple cores by his grave.

<em>Crunch, crunch,</em> went the ground as little apple trees sprang to life and grew into an orchard.

“Oh yes,” said all the prisoners and guards as they plucked apples from the trees and ate them all day long.

<em>Crunch, crunch.</em>

A story by Pemba Umoja